Life isn’t always easy — but it’s always better with a good laugh. Humor helps us see the lighter side of our struggles, our mistakes, and the little quirks of being human. Sometimes, a short and witty quote can capture life’s absurdity better than a whole paragraph ever could.
That’s why this collection of very short funny quotes about life is here — to remind you that laughter really is the best coping mechanism. These 80+ quick, clever quotes are filled with truth, sarcasm, and wit to brighten your day.
Classic Funny Quotes About Life
- “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
- “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” — Katharine Hepburn
- “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” — Sydney J. Harris
- “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West
- “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” — Mark Twain
- “My therapist told me to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry
- “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
- “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire
- “Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Unless you’re lost in the woods — then follow the path.” — Ellen DeGeneres
- “Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise, we’re going down the tube.” — Joan Rivers
Witty Quotes That Tell the Truth
- “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade — and try to find someone whose life gave them vodka.” — Ron White
- “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” — Graham Norton
- “I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined still look before they cross the road.” — Stephen Hawking
- “My favorite thing to do on this planet is to play games. And if you don’t enjoy games, you’re missing the point of life.” — RuPaul
- “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Unknown
- “A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.” — Unknown
- “Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you made a bad decision.” — Unknown
- “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Unknown
- “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” — Unknown
- “Never take life seriously — no one gets out alive anyway.” — Unknown
Short Funny Quotes About Growing Older
- “Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you. Or tolerating you.” — Unknown
- “Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” — Jennifer Yane
- “You know you’re getting old when you bend down to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.” — George Burns
- “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” — George Burns
- “Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.” — Bob Hope
- “By the time you’re 80, you’ve learned everything. The trick is to remember it.” — George Burns
- “At my age, flowers scare me.” — George Burns
- “Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” — Chili Davis
- “The older I get, the earlier it gets late.” — Unknown
- “I’m at that awkward age between ‘young and dumb’ and ‘old and broke.’” — Unknown
Life and Work: A Hilarious Combination
- “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” — Douglas Adams
- “Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?” — Edgar Bergen
- “My job is secure. No one else wants it.” — Unknown
- “If work was so great, the rich would’ve kept it all to themselves.” — Unknown
- “Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring. So I go back to being me.” — Unknown
- “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
- “Teamwork is essential — it allows you to blame someone else.” — Unknown
- “I work out every day — my patience.” — Unknown
- “I always give 100% at work: 10% on Monday, 25% on Tuesday, and the rest on Friday.” — Unknown
- “Monday is a reminder that weekends are short and life is unfair.” — Unknown
Short Funny Quotes About Common Sense
- “Common sense is like deodorant — those who need it most never use it.” — Unknown
- “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain
- “The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin
- “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching TV.” — David Letterman
- “There’s no traffic on the extra mile — because no one wants to go there.” — Unknown
- “Never trust math teachers. They’re always plotting something.” — Unknown
- “When nothing goes right, go left.” — Unknown
- “If plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters.” — Unknown
- “Mistakes are proof you’re trying — or at least pretending to.” — Unknown
- “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” — Unknown
Funny Quotes About Love and Relationships
- “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Unknown
- “Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.” — Unknown
- “Love means never having to say, ‘What’s for dinner?’” — Unknown
- “You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.” — Unknown
- “I love you more than coffee — but please don’t make me prove it.” — Unknown
- “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
- “Relationships are just two people constantly asking what they want to eat.” — Unknown
- “Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman.” — Maryon Pearson
- “A relationship without humor is like a car without gas — it’s not going anywhere.” — Unknown
- “Love makes you do crazy things — like share your fries.” — Unknown
Quirky Observations About Daily Life
- “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
- “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a few car payments.” — Earl Wilson
- “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” — Rodney Dangerfield
- “If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
- “I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” — Unknown
- “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re done.” — Unknown
- “If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.” — Unknown
- “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.” — Unknown
- “I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.” — Unknown
- “My wallet is like an onion — opening it makes me cry.” — Unknown
Life Lessons with a Twist of Humor
- “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
- “Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won’t expect it back.” — Unknown
- “When life closes a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.” — Unknown
- “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
- “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your sense of humor.” — Unknown
- “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” — Unknown
- “Don’t follow anyone else’s path unless you’re lost in the woods.” — Ellen DeGeneres
- “If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.” — Unknown
- “To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.” — Unknown
- “Life is what happens when you’re busy complaining about it.” — Unknown
Short Funny Quotes That Keep It Real
- “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Unknown
- “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” — Unknown
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Tommy Cooper
- “I told my suitcases we’re not going on vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.” — Unknown
- “I’m not lazy — I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.” — Unknown
- “You can’t have a positive life with a negative mind — or bad Wi-Fi.” — Unknown
- “Sarcasm is my cardio.” — Unknown
- “My bed and I have a special relationship. We’re perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.” — Unknown
- “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be hilarious.” — Unknown
- “A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” — William James
Conclusion
Life doesn’t come with instructions — but it does come with laughs. These very short funny quotes about life prove that humor is the best way to stay sane through all its twists, turns, and surprises.
Whether you needed a smile, a reminder not to take things too seriously, or just something clever to share with a friend, these witty one-liners deliver it all. Keep laughing, keep living, and remember — the punchline is half the fun.