Life isn’t always easy, but a good laugh can make even the hardest moments lighter. Humor gives us a way to look at life’s ups and downs with a wink instead of a sigh. From aging to work to relationships, there’s something funny hidden in every situation if we take a step back and smile.
This post shares over 80 funny quotes about life humor — full of wit, sarcasm, and a dose of truth — that will make you laugh, think, and maybe even snort just a little.
Aging with a Smile
- “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball
- “I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere.” – George Burns
- “The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
- “Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you’re aboard, there’s nothing you can do.” – Golda Meir
- “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burns
- “You’re only as old as the woman you feel.” – Groucho Marx
- “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” – Betty White
- “When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.” – Mark Twain
- “At my age, flowers scare me.” – George Burns
- “Age is just a number — a really annoying, constantly increasing number.” – Unknown
Family and Parenting Humor
- “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
- “Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano
- “Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.” – Unknown
- “My kids call it ‘yelling’ when I raise my voice. I call it ‘motivational speaking for the selective listener.’” – Unknown
- “Parenting is 90% trying to figure out how to distract your kid while you eat the snack you said you didn’t have.” – Unknown
- “I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.” – Unknown
- “Behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it up.” – Unknown
- “You can’t scare me. I have children.” – Unknown
Work, Stress, and Survival
- “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?” – Edgar Bergen
- “I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. It’s a system.” – Unknown
- “My job is secure. No one else wants it.” – Unknown
- “I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday, 25% Tuesday, 35% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, and 10% Friday.” – Unknown
- “The reward for good work is more work.” – Unknown
- “Some days I amaze myself. Other days, I put my keys in the fridge.” – Unknown
- “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to take the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
- “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome
Life’s Ironic Truths
- “The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.” – Mark Twain
- “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Unknown
- “Life is like a roll of toilet paper — the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.” – Unknown
- “I’m at the ‘age’ where my mind still writes checks my body can’t cash.” – Unknown
- “When I hear somebody say, ‘Life is hard,’ I always wonder, ‘Compared to what?’” – Sydney J. Harris
- “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
- “I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
- “Life is like a camera — focus on what’s important and delete the rest.” – Unknown
Love, Marriage, and Relationships
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.” – Unknown
- “I love being married. It’s great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
- “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
- “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
- “The four most important words in any marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’” – Unknown
- “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.” – Unknown
- “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
- “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright
Everyday Life Laughs
- “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
- “The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
- “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” – Unknown
- “Some days you eat salad and go to the gym. Other days you eat cupcakes and refuse to wear pants. It’s called balance.” – Unknown
- “Why be moody when you can shake your booty?” – Unknown
- “If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.” – Unknown
Technology and Modern Life
- “I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s not flying.” – Unknown
- “Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem nice.” – Unknown
- “My phone battery lasts longer than most relationships these days.” – Unknown
- “We used to stare at stars. Now we stare at screens.” – Unknown
- “The cloud isn’t secure. It’s just someone else’s computer.” – Unknown
- “I told Alexa a joke. She didn’t laugh. Guess she’s more of a Siri-ous type.” – Unknown
- “My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.” – Unknown
- “I have mixed drinks about feelings.” – Unknown
Wisdom with a Wink
- “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes
- “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin
- “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a few payments.” – Earl Wilson
- “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” – Maryon Pearson
- “If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” – Harry S. Truman
- “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
- “Some people bring happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
- “A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.” – Steven Wright
Random Humor and Sarcasm
- “Change is inevitable — except from a vending machine.” – Robert C. Gallagher
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
- “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Steven Wright
- “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” – Judith Martin
- “I have a photographic memory. I just haven’t developed it yet.” – Unknown
- “Always remember that you are unique — just like everyone else.” – Unknown
- “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
- “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” – Wilson Mizner
Conclusion
Humor is life’s built-in stress relief. These funny quotes about life humor remind us to take a breath, laugh at the little things, and see the beauty in being human. Whether it’s about aging, love, work, or daily chaos, a good laugh helps us stay grounded.
Which quote hit home or made you laugh the hardest? Share your favorite below, pass it along to a friend, or come back to this list anytime you need a quick pick-me-up.